Where Fun Comes to Die

The other night I was watching this cool Discovery show about the conception, intrauterine development, and birth of puppies.  In high def.  It was pretty awe inspiring actually, and I am not a big dog lover.  In my mind, this depiction of the birth of a libertarian is just as awe inspiring, especially considering the natural inclinations of this particular budding libertarian (as you will see).  It just goes to show that there is a little libertarian in all of us, trying to claw it’s way out of our stomach and wreak havoc on the world.  That’s right, the libertarian distinction welcomes all: religious, areligious, liberal, conservative, animal lover, animal hater–just as long as you have among your myriad beliefs the core libertarian value that government should get out of people’s way as much as possible.  Here it is:

Friend: i don’t think gay couples should be allowed artificial insemination.  i also don’t believe single individuals should be allowed it.  i don’t think the right of parenting should be afforded to all people.

me: whoa, you want there to be qualifications for people to be parents?  you know people can just have sex with whoever and get pregnant, right?  there’s an easy alternative to artificial insemination if the government starts regulating it.  and even if artificial insemination was somehow necessary, basically what you would be doing is sending those and related services to the black market, like drugs.  and it would be unsafe and unregulated and the money would fund criminal organizations that would kill and oppress.  i realize that you have this idealistic view of parenting, but do realize that most of the world doesn’t share your thoughts?

Friend: i realize that.  doesn’t mean i should stop wishing that weren’t the way things went.

me: yeah, but it is totally not enforceable

Friend: i know

me: so you wish everything were different, but you are fine not doing anything about it?

Friend: as long as nobody steps on my toes.  if there is some sort of “acceptance” shoved down my throat, I don’t know if I will stay quiet

me: well how would it be shoved down your throat?

Friend: well, my personal beliefs are that children should be born to a mother and father who love each other and are in a committed relationship sanctioned by the state and by God.  that may be idealistic, but it is still my goal and i want society to be as conducive to that as possible.

me: yeah, but we’re not going to make it illegal to do otherwise, right?  single motherhood, alternative family relationships…

Friend: right, but i think those other arrangements should be stigmatized like they used to be so that they won’t happen as often

me: sure, and no one is going to stop you from trying to stigmatize it.  that’s your right, within certain parameters.

Friend: well, i just worry that sexual orientation being a protected class will disallow stigmatizing

me: right.  you can stigmatize, but you can’t do it by discriminating against people based solely on their sexual orientation.  and you wouldn’t want the law to be otherwise, either, because then you open up the possibility of whatever group you belong to being discriminated against at hotels, restaurants, hospitals…

Friend: hmm, so i guess it is best to prohibit discrimination because we’ve got our share of crazies who won’t always discriminate justly.

me: right.  i mean, do we really want each individual doctor to decide who he thinks good and bad parents will be?

Friend: no.  and generally speaking, people who are going to doctors for artificial insemination are better parents than the random teenagers who get knocked-up simply because they are making the decision by choice.  but still, i wouldn’t mind God exercising some righteous judgment.  and if we can’t have that, then i guess we don’t want anyone else to have all the power to decide.  not much government in that

me: right.  see, maybe you’re a libertarian at heart

Friend: is that what defines libertarianism?

me: as little government intervention as possible in every aspect of life

Friend: hmm.  maybe

me: that was easy.  i should be getting some sort of compensation from the libertarian party for this.